A Letter to People Pleasers

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Dear People Pleasers,

"No" is a foreign word to you. Your mouth has forgotten how to form the words, "I want." When you get called out for being a people pleaser, you insist that you are not. The term carries a negative connotation. It implies that you are oblivious to being used and manipulated. Sadly, this is often the case. 

Why do you devote all your energy into impress others? Why do you pretend to think and feel the same way? Why are you willing to give up your identity?

I'm on to you people pleasers, and I do not think you are heroic. I think you are a coward. You are so afraid to make waves that you stay on the shore. You say that you only want to make people happy, but that's a lie. You just want their acceptance. You want to avoid disapproval. You cannot bare the thought of being a disappointment. You sacrifice your identity to duck any judgment. The world will tell you this is an admirable quality, but I disagree.

Stand for something. And if you look around and see the rest of the room seated, keep your feet planted firmly on the ground. When you stand for everything, you stand for nothing. People will undoubtedly criticize you and what you believe. Judgment is inevitable. At the end of the day, the only one who needs to love and accept you is you.

I understand you want to be liked. I understand you don't want to be seen as a failure. I understand that you don't want to disappoint anyone. But here is what I don't understand: why do you care what they think? You are so consumed with the opinions and judgments of people who are not pertinent to your life. The people who care for you will understand you have limitations; anyone else is not worth your time.

The moment you put someone else first, you are telling them that you come second. You have inadvertently told them that you are not as worthy of happiness. This is not about the one time you let your little sister have an extra cookie or let your husband win an argument. This is not about the time you volunteered your time on a Saturday to work at a homeless shelter. It is not about the time your neighbor was in desperate need of a babysitter and you skipped math homework to help. This is about that time you sacrificed your identity for acceptance. This is about that time you put someone else's convenience in front of your necessities. This is about every single time someone preyed on you because they knew they could. This is about you letting them, because you could not bear the thought of their disappointment.

You have an opinion. You have a preference. You have your own priorities. You have limited time. You have a voice. You have value. Most importantly, you have one life. I urge you to keep this in mind each time you give a piece of it to someone else. Those who deserve to be apart of your life will respect when you are low on time or have a different opinion.

The only person you need to please is yourself.

Someone who has been there and done that

1 comment:

  1. These are important points. When I first realized this, I went to the other extreme and didn't want to help anyone. It's important when making this transition to not go to the other extreme. Having a servant's heart is important, but you're right. There is a difference between helping others because you want to and helping them so they will accept you. Those who help no one should also be held accountable in some way though. They are also at fault in some cases. The world would be a much better place if everyone had a balance.


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