If you love someone, tell them.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

"I fucking love you."

For the first time, I found a sentence that could be enhanced by the addition of a profanity. I love my family. I love my friends. I love pizza. I love quotes. I love writing. I love comedies. But I do not love this boy, I fucking love him.

Traditionally, the boy makes the first move. I, however, do not believe in waiting for things to happen when you have the power to make them happen. I did not exactly have quite that much control over the situation, but if I never told him, I would always wonder "what if".

"There's no use in loving someone if you don't have the courage to tell them."

He read it. No reply.

I think the lack of an answer hurts even more than rejection. Most people would assume that the silence itself was rejection, but this guy is a bit more complicated than that. I do not question the possibility of him not having mutual feelings, but it is uncharacteristic of him to leave such a serious message standing without a response.

After declaring my love for him, I asked for one thing in return... honesty. I explained that I understood if there was another girl or if the feelings simply weren't there for him, but that I simply wanted to know how he genuinely felt.

I learned a valuable lesson from taking this risk. First off, sometimes things will not play out the way you predicted. Also, honesty is not always met with honesty. Another thing I discovered was that if you are going to take a risk, do not take it unless you are prepared for the worst. I did not use the "L" word expecting to hear it back. I did not use it to try to guilt him into sticking around. I used the four-letter word because it was the only one that could adequately describe how I feel about him.

I have no regrets. I finally had the courage to admit my feelings not only to myself, but to him as well.

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